breakdown

 {source}

my grandma was hospitalized again over the weekend. they thought she had another stroke, but she didn't. however the MRI did show that the tissue in the two areas she suffer strokes in in january has died. it's called narcosis. what that means is that the ailments she now due to the original stroke are irreversible. She is not going to get better and will only continue to decline. 

her left side is extremely weak she can move it, but only ever so slightly. her swallow is weak and she can only eat pureed food. she has dementia which has gotten so much worse over the last few months. it hurts so bad to see her like this. she so confused and spends most days crying.

over the last few weeks we have been really busy. like marathon busy. on tuesday night i had a ticks to myself. and everything regarding my grandma hit me like a ton of bricks. i brokedown. if it had ended there i think it would have been okay. but it didn't. when i breakdown i rehash everything that i don't understand and ask why. it was awful, but at the same time it was a much needed release.

i am thankful for my husband for listening, and the tenderness in his voice when he reminded me that God is directing my path.

 in the time that my grand has left we are going to continue loving her well. i'm going to curl up to her on her left side, put my arm through hers, my nose in the crook of her neck. (her smell is one of my favorites) and sing just as i have done for as long as i can remember.

God's in control and i know it.

 

what i learned from the bible 

a challenge.365 link up 

 the idea is for everyone to write a post about

 1}what you read in the bible recently.

 2} how it spoke to you. 

3} how you applied it in your own life.

 4} what you learned form it.

 5}please link up your post not your blog.

 my hope is that through this link up we encourage each other to remain in the word.

 life sure is a heck of a lot easier when we spend time with God each day.