a sentimental sap

yesterday i was stopped at a stop light and i looked over and saw these beautiful flowers growing in the center divide. i quickly glanced around looking for cops pulled out my camera and took a picture. you see, i want to plant some flowers in my yard but every time i go to the nursery i'm so overwhelmed by all the pretty flowers that i leave empty handed. i wanted to remember these flowers. when i went back to the photo the "good guys" sign caught my attention, and instantly my eyes filled with tears of remembrance. 

when my first born was around two and a half or three, he loved toy story, and rescue heroes. everyday we he would say, "momma we're the good guys aren't we?" noticing the theme of good versus evil.  i would reply, "yes baby we are." one day in the midst of him play with his toys he looks up and ask again, "momma we're the good guys aren't we?" but this time i said, "yes, i think we are, but why do you think we are?" his answer blew my mind. "Momma we're the good guys because we're christians. we love Jesus and he loves us, that makes us good." 

you know that tingly feeling you get that starts at the top of your head and washes over your entire body? the holy spirit. at that moment i got it. and it made me realize that even if we don't think our tiny babes understand what we are telling them, they do. especially the big things that we adults questions. the tinies just know.

for my whole life i have never been a cryer. then i had children. with each passing year, each new memory, and sweet remembrances of yesterday i have turned into a sentimental sap ready to erupt at any moment. 

this kid.

he basically taught me how to love.
it's funny how you really think you know how to love,
then you have a child. 
and out of nowhere love is oozing from your out heart
 all over the place and you just wind up a one big oozy mess of love.

it feel like yesterday i was holding my little sugar bear snug in my arms never wanting to let go,
but you do eventually have to loosen your grip and let go.

it's hard.

+++++

today he and i went to high school and registered him for the fall.

listen to the song below before or while you continue.
i heard this song for the first time recently and it reminds me of him...of us.

as we were waiting in line this verse played through my head. when in hold you in my arms, love, something changes  it's the strangest feeling  the things that used to matter, they don't matter     to me.
and boom prickly eyes, on the verge of ugly tears. thank goodness i snapped myself back into reality and pulled it together before he saw. i hate to be the embarrassing mom in public at home i let it flow. i had my girl camie in my purse but opted for my phone for the above reason. here's a little peak at registration.

say cheese...it's ID card time.
isn't he so handsome.

signing his intent to graduate.

 there will be a super cool raffle if he keeps this card and turns it back in his senior year.

painting your hand isn't just for kindergarteners. i thought you knew.

his mark on his class' year.  2 0 1 7  B A B Y !

i love the silly faces he makes. my sweet sugar bear, i pray that you always stay true to yourself  and that Christ remains number one in your life. i know that in this time of your life we will have struggles and wars of will, but always remember that i only want whats best for you even if i translate it poorly. when it comes time for you to make hard decisions  i hope that you know you can come with anything, i was young once too. God has big plans for you. i know that nothing but greatness is coming your way. i'll love you forever  i'll like you for always  as long as i'm living my baby you'll be. mmmmmuuuuuuaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! xxO momma p.s. do you remember when you used to hold my face and kiss me and say mmmuuuaaahhh and your goal was to see how long you say it before you needed to take a breath? i miss that, but it would probably be super embarrassing for you to do that now. ha! i'm thankful for sweet memories. 

how do you undo your plans?

warning: this post is likely to be all over the place.

being a parent is hard. i'm sure i don't have to tell any of you that though.

i have a question for all of you.

how do you undo plans that you've made,

 dreams that you've dreamed, or thoughts you've thought?

that's where i'm at. i'm trying to undo plans, dreams, and thoughts.

as you all know i am a football mom. football has been a huge part of our life taking up almost half of our year every year for the last FIVE years. i have fallen head over heals with watching my boys play. since i was a little girl i always loved football. i don't think that i missed a single football game in high school.

but in the beginning, i didn't want my boys to play. football is so brutal. i didn't want my babies to get hurt. oldest asked to play. i dug my heels into the ground. my husband assured me that he was going to be fine.

at his very first game. he got tanked by a boy who was twice his size. he went straight to the ground, his little 9 year old body stayed as straight as a board as he fell. i was horrified and i started to jump out of my seat. husband very gently, but firm put his hand on my shoulder and whispered wait.
i was frantic. and thought to myself, what do you mean wait? that's my baby out there. before the thought was complete my boy had jumped up completely unfazed and was back in the huddle. the excitement on his face when that game was over was it for me. i fell in love with watching him (them once tiny man was old enough) play.

oldest is starting high school in the fall.

he doesn't want to play football.
youngest is following suit.

my heart feels is broken, and i feel angry.
i know my heart break and anger stem from selfish reasons, now i have to undo MY plans and dreams and thoughts.
so long friday night lights...see selfish.

Lord change my ugly heart. i'm begging.

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.


If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.


If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.


If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.


If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.


If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.


If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.


If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.


If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.


If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.


If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,

he learns to find love in the world.

but all in all, my prayer remains the same though.
"Lord Jesus, please help me to be the kind of mother that you had, one who supports her child's dreams. bridge the gap between my weaknesses as a parent with your unfailing love. help us to brave this uncertain world together. just like you. and above all help us to chase your will for us each and every day. amen."

so tell me what do you do when you have to undo plans?

sk8 or die.

that's what i always say

sorry about the bad quality. i really need to use my big girl camera more often.

have you heard of Penny Boards?

it has been a topic of conversation in our house since october. this week, finally, after months of humming and hawing, my boys pulled out their hard earned cash and each bought one. 

me, being the voice of reason, kept telling them, "why do you need a penny board? you have perfectly fine skateboards." to which they replied, "MOM. penny boards are easier to ride." with the look of DUH written across their faces. WHATEVER! it's their money. 

well let me tell you a little story about what happens when i take the boys to the sk8 shop.

every time we walk in it goes like this...

MOM. i don't have any shirts. 

MOM. i don't have any shorts. 

MOM. I need a belt.

MOM. i need a new hat. (my boys ARE NOT hat wearers)

MOM. i need new sunglasses. (not for a c note you don't)

MOM. MOM. MOM.

thursday was no exception. 

it went like this. between me and tiny man.

"MOM. you know how our class is going on a tour of the Junior High tomorrow? well my teacher said that we needed to dress nice. i don't have ANY nice clothes." 

i looking into my mind while it flips like a rolodex cataloging all of his nice clothes i say, "yes you do honey." 

"MOM. but they aren't that nice." and i really want to make my teacher proud by dressing nice like she asked."

i try with all my might to keep my face blank because i know exactly what's going on here. i knew from the start. he thinks he's a BA going to tour the junior high campus and wants to look "cool." i did the same thing when i was little, and i'm here to tell you apples do not fall to far the trees. he he! so as usual, because i have "SUCKER" written across my head in big bold letters i give in and buy him not one but two new shirts and a pair of shorts. touring the junior high campus is a big deal you know. and one just may need an outfit change. :)

and while we are on the subject can we just have a moment of silence and/or prayers for the sadness i am feeling over the fact that come august i will no longer have a child in elementary school, and not only that, big man is starting high school in august. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? hold me. i am far too young for this. for real. my sons friends ask them all the time if i am their sister. ha! so that must prove i'm to young for this right? RIGHT.

another little funny about yesterday. we had our close friends son with us. the boys were looking for shirts. size small shirts. there were none. i found a few and i said. "hey guys how about these? they're cool!" to which our friends son replied, "i have learned that if moms think a shirt is cool...it's not."

whoa!!! tell me how you really feel. and by the way i am cool. you can't convince me that i'm not.
BOOM!

and because my feeling may have been a little worn out and tender i bought my self a happy.
i love my new hat.

i hope you all have a happy tuesday.

Q U A K E S F O R E V E R

or was that texas forever...

saturday marked the end of an era for the boy who made me a mama. he played his very last youth football game. for 1/3 of the year the last five years we have been part of team. i say we because it has truly been a whole family effort. our team mates have become family.

we lost the playoff game by TWO points. TWO. and to add insult to injury. we lost the playoff game last year to the same team by only ONE point. ONE. the boys took it really hard. i mean, look at those faces. the other team that is going to the championship finished their game before we finished ours and the whole team including the parents came over and cheered us on. boys were giving our boys pointers. they really wanted to see us in the championship. it was really sweet and heartbreaking all at once.

the below photo is of the originals. these five along with the two coaches have been together for the entire 5 years. many have come and gone. but these guys right here are true Quakes.

i'm weeping as i write this. if you know me, you know that i hate change. but alas change is good. it's the natural progression of life i guess. i can't wait for what the next chapter of my boy's life will bring. i see friday night lights in our future. i honestly love being a football mom. football moms are tough and sweet and amazing and gaga for their boys. being the mom of boys really brings me so much joy.

this year my boy tried something new on the field.
K I C K I N G.

he loves it. we always tell the boys to DREAM BIG. maybe there will be a scholarship in our future.
BELIEVING IS SEEING
am i right!

i call this smile the knucklehead smile. he smiles this smile when he's being a knucklehead.  i love it because he's always done it. one of my favorite photos of him was taken on his third birthday. we got him an over sized tonka fire truck complete with lights and sirens and a mechanical ladder. it was 3 feet long. he stood on it and smiled this smile. i die. every time i look at it. this smile melt me to the core.

 take 'em down son. boo-yah!!!

when asked why he was crying he said "because i wont be able to play football with my friend anymore." break my heart. our Quake boys will be attending four different high schools. :(

i could go on and on and on about this boy playing football, but there are too many memories to count. so until his next season i'll leave you with a cheer...

i said a boom chikca boom.

                      a boom chikca boom. 

                              i said a boom chicka rocka, chicka rock, chicka BOOM!

WOOT-WOOT                    

for the record. my husband thinks i'm awesome {especially when i'm being insane} cow bell and all. ha!