how do you undo your plans?

warning: this post is likely to be all over the place.

being a parent is hard. i'm sure i don't have to tell any of you that though.

i have a question for all of you.

how do you undo plans that you've made,

 dreams that you've dreamed, or thoughts you've thought?

that's where i'm at. i'm trying to undo plans, dreams, and thoughts.

as you all know i am a football mom. football has been a huge part of our life taking up almost half of our year every year for the last FIVE years. i have fallen head over heals with watching my boys play. since i was a little girl i always loved football. i don't think that i missed a single football game in high school.

but in the beginning, i didn't want my boys to play. football is so brutal. i didn't want my babies to get hurt. oldest asked to play. i dug my heels into the ground. my husband assured me that he was going to be fine.

at his very first game. he got tanked by a boy who was twice his size. he went straight to the ground, his little 9 year old body stayed as straight as a board as he fell. i was horrified and i started to jump out of my seat. husband very gently, but firm put his hand on my shoulder and whispered wait.
i was frantic. and thought to myself, what do you mean wait? that's my baby out there. before the thought was complete my boy had jumped up completely unfazed and was back in the huddle. the excitement on his face when that game was over was it for me. i fell in love with watching him (them once tiny man was old enough) play.

oldest is starting high school in the fall.

he doesn't want to play football.
youngest is following suit.

my heart feels is broken, and i feel angry.
i know my heart break and anger stem from selfish reasons, now i have to undo MY plans and dreams and thoughts.
so long friday night lights...see selfish.

Lord change my ugly heart. i'm begging.

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.


If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.


If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.


If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.


If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.


If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.


If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.


If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.


If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.


If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.


If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,

he learns to find love in the world.

but all in all, my prayer remains the same though.
"Lord Jesus, please help me to be the kind of mother that you had, one who supports her child's dreams. bridge the gap between my weaknesses as a parent with your unfailing love. help us to brave this uncertain world together. just like you. and above all help us to chase your will for us each and every day. amen."

so tell me what do you do when you have to undo plans?

sk8 or die.

that's what i always say

sorry about the bad quality. i really need to use my big girl camera more often.

have you heard of Penny Boards?

it has been a topic of conversation in our house since october. this week, finally, after months of humming and hawing, my boys pulled out their hard earned cash and each bought one. 

me, being the voice of reason, kept telling them, "why do you need a penny board? you have perfectly fine skateboards." to which they replied, "MOM. penny boards are easier to ride." with the look of DUH written across their faces. WHATEVER! it's their money. 

well let me tell you a little story about what happens when i take the boys to the sk8 shop.

every time we walk in it goes like this...

MOM. i don't have any shirts. 

MOM. i don't have any shorts. 

MOM. I need a belt.

MOM. i need a new hat. (my boys ARE NOT hat wearers)

MOM. i need new sunglasses. (not for a c note you don't)

MOM. MOM. MOM.

thursday was no exception. 

it went like this. between me and tiny man.

"MOM. you know how our class is going on a tour of the Junior High tomorrow? well my teacher said that we needed to dress nice. i don't have ANY nice clothes." 

i looking into my mind while it flips like a rolodex cataloging all of his nice clothes i say, "yes you do honey." 

"MOM. but they aren't that nice." and i really want to make my teacher proud by dressing nice like she asked."

i try with all my might to keep my face blank because i know exactly what's going on here. i knew from the start. he thinks he's a BA going to tour the junior high campus and wants to look "cool." i did the same thing when i was little, and i'm here to tell you apples do not fall to far the trees. he he! so as usual, because i have "SUCKER" written across my head in big bold letters i give in and buy him not one but two new shirts and a pair of shorts. touring the junior high campus is a big deal you know. and one just may need an outfit change. :)

and while we are on the subject can we just have a moment of silence and/or prayers for the sadness i am feeling over the fact that come august i will no longer have a child in elementary school, and not only that, big man is starting high school in august. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? hold me. i am far too young for this. for real. my sons friends ask them all the time if i am their sister. ha! so that must prove i'm to young for this right? RIGHT.

another little funny about yesterday. we had our close friends son with us. the boys were looking for shirts. size small shirts. there were none. i found a few and i said. "hey guys how about these? they're cool!" to which our friends son replied, "i have learned that if moms think a shirt is cool...it's not."

whoa!!! tell me how you really feel. and by the way i am cool. you can't convince me that i'm not.
BOOM!

and because my feeling may have been a little worn out and tender i bought my self a happy.
i love my new hat.

i hope you all have a happy tuesday.

frame this moment

on thursday, these two made an impression on someone which lead to me getting a huge compliment.
i'm here to tell you that all of our mothering efforts really do pay off.

this was definitely a framable moment.

here's to hoping and praying they always behave well.

linking up here.

current truths

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5.

source{s}

1 2 3 4 5

my birthday. 32 things...

who the eff i is 
oh you don't like that song?
speaking of songs why is it that the worst part of a song always get stuck in thee head???

32 words describing me...

my "eff's"
1 faithful as in Jesus Christ is my #1
2 fabulous
3 fierce
4 foxy (or so i've been told) ha! that was a joke!
5 friendly

i enlisted my family for the rest...
they are not eff words.

hubz 
6 charismatic
7 enthusiastic
8 outgoing
9 cheerful
10 ethical

big man (my 13 year old)
11 funny
12 cooler than other moms *
13 *weird (in a good way)
14 demanding
15 nice

tiny man
16 nice 
17 cuddly 
18 cool 
19 *weird (in a good way) 
20 singer (because you sing a lot)

*my boys made their lists separately, them thinking i'm weird in a good way totally makes my day!!!

mom
21 *beautiful 
22 strong 
23  intelligent 
24 wise (wisdom beyond her years)
25 *loving

dad
this is what the text i received from my dad says when i asked for 5 words describing me
valley girl (just kidding) 

~back story on this. every time my kids make fun of me / or try to sound like me they make me sound like a total valley girl. on monday we went to visit my dad for a belated father's day, {he was out of town all weekend. he went to the u.s. open. lucky dude}. anyway my kids were teasing me about it while we were there and now me being a valley girl has turned into this big thing. 

whatev!

his real list

26 kind
27 *loving
28 smart
29 *beautiful
30 important
~i think maybe he watched the help last night. ha!

*parents are supposed to tell their children they are beautiful and loving. even if they don't really think it's true. ha!
me again holla not to be confused with hola
31 funky fresh
& last but not least
32 fly like supa dupa fly. 

i'd like to say thank you to my family for playing my game. you all are the best and it's totally awesome that you all are willing to play my silly games. it was fun to see what you think of me.

also this is my all time favorite song this one is a close second

 i just thought you should know.

{via}

on saturday i turn 32. when i was little i thought 32,
 rather anything over 17 was old. 

well let me just say i don't feel a day over 17.
 i may or may not act a day over 17 either. 

*maybe that's why when were in the grocery store the checker lady always asks me if my boys are my brothers...
hmmmm!

now that's some food for thought.

wishing you all a fabulous weekend.

i've got the most high

ok guys i am freaking out!

have i told you that my boys L.O.V.E. rap music?

well, much to my detriment they do.

problem is rap music is so bad. i mean i really love the beats and melodies of rap i do.
lots of times the lyrics are so catchy.

but the lyrics are so foul.
talking about drugs, and sex and committing crimes. blah.
 surely not intended for a 10 & 12 year old. i hope
why do they play music like that on public radio.
i can't keep them form hearing it. i wish i could but, it's everywhere.
i feel like the only way i could is to keep them locked in their rooms 24/7.
not.gonna.happen.
that'd be torture for all of us, and i want them to live life.
live life and make good choices that will make the Lord smile.

today i was browsing around itunes and found this.

i'm freaking out...finally some rap that i will be glad to hear them sing.
favorite verse: "i don't need drugs i've got the most high."
read the lyrics here

i know the whole drug thing is sort of yuck but i'd rather them  sing about not needing them because they have Christ then singing: "so what we smoke weed" (you've heard that song right.  everytime i turn on the radio and flip through the stations it's on 3 stations at once.) plus my oldest is in middle school and he has classmates that already do drugs. sad i know, but a reality.
tough guys love Jesus and i am so excited about it.
do you have any musical suggestions for me?  i'd love to know what your listening to,

this is me lately

lately...
it bothers me when people say "you don't work what do you do all day?" well, let me just tell you what i do all day. my current state is hurry up and wait. wait for the boys to get out of school, hurry to boxing, wait for boxing to end, hurry home, hurry cook dinner, hurry to help with homework, wait...and talk someone in to doing their homework.
hurry. wait. hurry. wait. all.day.long.
while it's true i may not do a ton between 9am and 2pm that time is my time. time to be still in the lord, time to exercise, time to play on my blog, time to visit with my friends, time to clean my house and do laundry, time to quietly be in my home. it's mine! ok.

lately...
if i don't properly put on my armor in the morning, raising my children is difficult. it takes so much work. i am glad that God is waiting for me to call on him for help each day. i am learning or really HE is teach me to do all things with great love. i am thankful He is on my side.

lately...
i feel like mothering them is hard especially when my month away from being a teenager son looks at me like i belong in, on or at the dump. but, it's beyond worth it. they are turning in to respectful, responsible,  loving, and most importantly God fearing young men.

lately...
i have come to realize repetition is good even if it's tiring.

lately...
i want to eat homemade chocolate cookies all.day.long.

lately...
i have been praying non stop for rain, but today i am praying that it doesn't rain this weekend. i have plans with my momma. just us.

lately...
i have wanted to dig a hole and sit in it. just me. i am dramatic i know. but sometimes i am overwhelmed by life in general. it's so good but, it's moving so fast which brings me to another lately.

lately...
i want to freeze time my boys are growing so fast, and i miss them already.

lately...
i have been longing for another child. then i am reminded that i have four children waiting for me in heaven. someday i will hold them and rock them and all will be right in my world. my heart will no longer ache. in the mean time i know they are safe and warm and cared for and most importantly loved on.

lately...
i want to rearrange every last thing in my home, we live in a 1950's bungalow. it's the cutest little home ever but little is the key word. we have put a ton of stuff in storage...lately.

lately...
i have come to realize that change is good. often times sad but still good.

lately...
i have been reminding myself that i only see part of the picture and God see's it all. we have to be still in that.

lately...
my husband has been extra amazing, i am so blessed that God gave him to me. i hope i show him how thankful i am to be his wife. i still melt after 13 years when he refers to me as his wife.

lately...
i am obsessed with this verse:

{via}

it has been on repeat in my brain.

what have you been up to lately?

St. Patrick's Day

in HONOR of 

St. Patrick's Day, 

 my own

Scot-Irishness

&

my hubby's birthday

I HAD TO POST THIS

irish party in 3rd class clip from Titanic

it's my favorite clip from one of my favorite movies.

i wanted to be rose! not because of jack. but because i would have loved to wear those dresses & have those hair-do's... 
be still my heart!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

e.g.d.

I LOVE YOU BABY!!!

here are some of my little leprechaun's 

this a.m.

i love jimmy's face in the top pic. he's crackin up!

i also love the bottom one of george covering his face.

this was the convo:

george: why do you always want to take a pictures of us? 

It's ridiculous!

me: hee-hee i love it! it's fun!

jimmy: she put's it on the computer. 

george: gosh mom!

me: what?

source

happy thursday everyone!