life circles back

my grandma used to hold me, now i hold her.

almost two years ago, my grandma had a stroke which caused paralysis on the left side of her body. 

up until the time she had the stroke one of my favorite things to do was to snuggle up as close to her as i could, and without me asking she would wrap her arm around me and pull me even closer. she would stroke my hair and kiss my head. we could stay that way for hours and watch her novelas on univison. 

have i ever mentioned that my first language was spanish?

my grandma and non english speaking great grandma took care of me when my parents worked from the time i was born until i was almost three. so of course i picked the language up. 

i can't speak a lick now, but i do still understand some. mostly. when my mom wants to tell me something she does not want my boys to hear she tells me in spanish. it drives them crazy.

today, during my visit, i was longing to snuggle up into her side. however she is in a wheel chair which makes it pretty difficult. so i did the next best thing. i got as close to her as i could and pulled her into me. i stroked her hair and kissed her head. she looked over to me and said, mija that feels good. 

when i came back around to see her face she said, i miss my mom. 

it struck me then that this was how she snuggled with her mom, and her my mom, and why all three of them me, and why me, my mom, and my grandma snuggle with my boys this way, and some day my boys with their children, and me my grand children the same way. sort of like a snuggle legacy. 

did you understand all that? 

it's so crazy to me how life always cirlces back around. 

and that the silliest things such as snuggling become a family legacy.

it was the beautiful and a little heartbreaking that me snuggling her, made her miss her mom.